"Will it happen today? I don't know, for I never know beforehand, and deep down it really doesn't matter. It's the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee, a sort of wager on my part. And though you may call me a dreamer or a fool or any other thing, I believe that anything is possible." 

- Nicholas Sparks 

my thoughts: a list

1. I have a wagon of pebbles (more like a box of pebbles) like Stargirl. My wagon is pretty full.

2. I never leave the house without my chapstick. Sometimes, in fact most times, I have to have at least two in my pocket.

3. I like to concentrate on my breathing.

4. I read the newspaper every day.

5. I really want a pair of rollerskates for my birthday.

6. I drink milk like Mormon Mamas drink their diet coke. Ridiculous? Maybe.

7. I've promised too many people a pan of brownies. I never keep those promises.

8. My favorite type of shoe is slippers. I have at least ten pair hiding all over my room.

9. If I could be any type of animal, I would be a bird. I would do anything to fly.

10. I can find Orion. I wish I could identify more constellations than that.

this is why i write.

I guess you could say the reason why I write is all because of Natalie Williams.

No. Not really. But she did have an influence on my reasons for writing.

My eighth grade year my dad signed me and my sister up for Natalie Williams' basketball skills camp. Three people hurt me that week, but I like to believe they hurt me for the better.

Natalie liked to have favorites. I was most definitely not one of them. She liked to focus on her favorites and spend minimal time with those like myself because I only frustrated her. On the other hand, my sister was definitely a Natalie Favorite. She was good. I tried so hard to be as good, if not better than my younger sister, but my efforts were in vain. Not only was she good, she also had the praise and the focus of both of my parents. They became more interested in her improvement and gradually became less and less interested in me...

It hurt. It still hurts.

My parents are very invested into the whole sports thing. I had to find something that would make them proud of me. I was afraid of being the awkward, nothing child.

So I turned to creativity, the arts. I focused on my choral classes and learned to love music. I also took on journal writing to express my frustration and to cope with my differences. I went from writing only a sentence a day to twenty pages a day. I learned to love writing.

I used to think I was writing all because of Natalie Williams or because I was trying to impress my parents. Now I know that I write for myself and myself only.

I wouldn't mind if it rained.

titled untitled.

we are the dreamers
the stars in our eyes and the universe painted on our ceiling
our palms held high towards the heavens
ready to grasp any inspiration God has to offer.

we pull the laces, remove our shoes
and allow Hell to singe our feet
just a little
to feel like we are human again
for we are invincible.

or so we think
because no matter how hard the wind beats against our faces
it will not be the cause of our wrinkles and
our bones and our heart will never fail us.

or so we think
for our hearts are crushed
when we find out what we thought was love
really isn't love.

and we fall
fall hard against the pavement
thinking that it is all over
but the heart knows how to heal
how to mend us back together
like magic.

the frail human's mind can't grasp forever
but love
love comes close enough
to what forever must feel like
what God must be like.

love and insides.

"So we made the hard decision and we each made an incision
Past our muscles and our bones, saw our hearts were little stones
Pulled them out the weren't beating and we weren't even bleeding
As we lay them on the granite counter top
We beat 'em up against each other
We beat 'em up against each other
We struck 'em hard against each other
We struck 'em so hard, so hard until they sparked"

- The Calculation, Regina Spektor 

do you have a favorite tv show?

Full House, dude.
Oh, don't forget the Brady Bunch and Smallville, too.

i'm growing to be human.

When I was young, my father would tuck me in at night, scratch my back and ask, "What did you do today?" I would then respond with the same three things I said the day before: "I went to school, I did my homework, and I played with friends." Every day was the same. Same old routine.

I was a robot.

Then I became too old and too cool for my dad to tuck me in anymore. I still went to school and did my homework, but I let my books tuck my mind to bed instead. Some nights I stayed up scribbling numbers on paper and punching equations into my calculator. Sleep hours became shorter. My daily routine was different, but still very much the same.

I was a robot.

Now I have entered a world full of teenagers functioning on no sleep, a world known as high school. Hard stares into the white board, ears trying to bring my mind to focus on what the teacher is saying. Focus. Focus pocus.  Hours of my childhood routine become more skewed and now I have more homework hours than I have sleep hours. I still go to school and I still do my homework. This time, my homework is what keeps me up, even when I am trying to sleep. My routine is different, but very much the same.

I am a robot.

Is it possible that maybe one day I will become human? Am I even the slightest bit human? Maybe. I feel as though I might be catching a glimpse of what it is like to be human. I want change, I want something new. Maybe that's what it means to be human. No more daily routines that go on for years and years. Maybe it's experiencing new things and going on adventures.

If you ever find out what it's like to be human, tell me. I would like to know.

welcome to the daily planet.

I have a thing for superheros. So naturally, I picked a superhero comic character as my pen name. Don't ask me whether I like DC or Marvel better because I can't answer that. I like them both. Lois Lane seemed to be the most reasonable pen name, considering the fact that she is a journalist, a writer.

I like the superhero idea of a secret identity. It seems to fit the mold of what this blog will be. A separate identity to accomplish something your other identity simply cannot do. You're still yourself but there is something about a secret identity that gives you that power to do something you never imagined you could do.

Lois Lane, my secret identity, is a writer. I write for myself, but through Ms. Lane I can share my ideas and imaginations. I can share without the fear of what my peers have to say. Hopefully my potential as a writer will improve as I take on this secret identity.  I'll fly with Superman, fly all over the world. Visit Paris, even.

No. Not just visit Paris- that's a tourist's job. I will drink in Paris and take on every adventure she has to offer.

So here's to the masks and flowing capes- let the adventures begin.